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Defining Dishes is an IndyEats column that explores the significance of food at key moments in our lives. From recipes that have been passed down for generations, to flavours that hold a special place in our hearts, food shapes every part of our lives in ways we might not have ever imagined. As a teenager growing up in Hungary, the summer school holidays were usually spent at home because my parents were still working. They would leave us a list of house chores we needed to do before they left for work in the morning, and it included cooking our own meals, so I learned at an early age that I really enjoy cooking. I love cooking traditional Hungarian food, but I was also keen to experiment with other recipes and there was one day when I was looking for something to cook for that evening, just anything. My friends and I would go to the local library regularly, and on this day, I went and found an old cookbook in the food section. It looked about a hundred years old, it was falling apart, some pages were missing and others were stuck together. But I browsed through it and found a cake recipe involving plums soaked in rum that I thought sounded delicious. The recipe was incomplete because of the state of the book, but I wrote it down in my notebook anyway because it sounded good and I really wanted to try it. I resolved to make it for our dessert that evening. I went to the supermarket and went to search for all the ingredients for the cake. What I wasn’t expecting at the time was how expensive they would be – thinking back now, it makes sense that rum, plums and vanilla would not come cheap, but I was young and didn’t really know the price of things like that. It turned out to be quite an expensive shop, particularly for a 16-year-old using her own pocket money, but I didn’t mind too much as I was convinced it would be great! I got home and started getting ready to cook. It was around this time that I realised just how incomplete the recipe was. It confused me – for example, it seemed to call for just milk and eggs in the batter, there was no flour. But I pressed on and told myself that the recipe writers surely knew what they were doing. I mixed everything in a bowl and it was very, very liquidy, almost like water, which worried me. I poured the batter into a pan and into the oven it went. Now, the recipe said it would only take 20 minutes to cook. But as much as I wanted to trust the recipe, this part made me doubtful because of how liquid the batter was. So I waited and waited, but it remained stubbornly liquid. I wasn’t even sure if it would be edible. After an hour and a half of waiting, I used the toothpick method to see if it was cooked. I inserted the toothpick into the middle of the cake and when I removed it, it was sticky but no batter was left on it, so it looked like it might be OK to take it out. By this time, I had used so much electricity and energy that I was anxious to get it out of the oven. I took it out and left it on the kitchen counter to cool down. I told myself: “Maybe it will be solid by the time I come back.” It did smell amazing because of the vanilla and rum and plums, almost like Christmas cake that filled the house. But to be honest, I had a bad feeling about it. It looked horrendous, the most disgusting-looking cake I had ever seen. At least it looked solid, so I thought OK, that seems fine-ish. After a while, I figured it had cooled down enough so I tried to get it out of the tin. I had used a cake tin that you push up from the bottom to release the cake. While I was pushing the bottom, I don’t know what happened, but the cake slipped and the whole thing just fell onto its face on the floor. I remember standing there for a moment and thinking, I just spent a bloody fortune on this cake and it’s fallen in the dirt on the floor. I rushed to my room in tears, I just couldn’t deal with it. I was so sad. My 18-year-old brother had been in his room the whole time and heard me slamming my door. He must have wondered what happened because I heard him come out of his room and go downstairs to the kitchen. I stayed in my room for a little while feeling sorry for myself, before pulling myself together and heading back out to go and clean up the mess I made. I went down the stairs and I kid you not, saw the funniest scene before my eyes. My brother was on his knees in the kitchen, literally eating the cake from off the floor. I said: “What the hell are you doing?” He told me it smelled and tasted amazing, he couldn’t resist. It reminded me of the Friends episode “The One with All The Cheesecakes”, because there is a scene where Rachel and Chandler are eating cheesecake off the floor in their hallway. It was hilarious that it was happening to me in real life. I didn’t join my brother on the floor, but I did try a little bit of the cake once we picked it up from the floor. It was really tasty even though it wasn’t quite done, but it wasn’t the total failure I thought it was going to be. He offered to get me more eggs so I could try and recreate it again. The next time I made it, I made some adjustments and it turned out bloody amazing. Now, after a lot of experimenting and tweaking the original recipe, I’ve kind of mastered it. It is still expensive to make, so I decided I would only make it for celebrations and for Christmas. I even entered my recipe in an online competition. One of the prizes was a Jamie Oliver cookbook and my dad absolutely adored him. I enlisted his help to submit my entry because I didn’t have a laptop at the time, and it turned out to be a fun thing for us to do together. Some time later, I checked my email and found out I won the competition! Both Dad and I were stunned because I was worried my recipe was too complicated and nobody would want to make it. When we received the book prize, Dad was definitely more pleased than I was. It was a great thing for both of us to do. I genuinely believe that making this cake taught me the power of not giving up. That lesson has followed me throughout my life ever since. I am now an archaeologist living in Glasgow, but it hasn’t been an easy journey. I have had to persist with things even if they don’t go according to plan and keep motivating myself to get here. I think this random cake I picked out of an old book in a library has helped shape my attitude towards life. I’m also really glad my brother ate it off the floor because if he hadn’t, I would never have learned those lessons and maybe, I would be in a very different place today. Evelin Eros is a Hungarian archaeologist living in Glasgow. She makes her rum cake every Christmas and for other special occasions. 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Back to school… those three words mean many things to many people – but it’s safe to say, with a new school year comes the unknown: What will it be like, and will I fit in? “Starting a new school year can stir up an array of emotions in young people,” says Yvonne Kekeliadis, creator of Brightstarz, an organisation which runs workshops to help teens and tweens learn life skills. “The prospect of academic and social pressures, whilst exciting for some, can leave others feeling dread and trepidation as the summer holidays draw to a close.” She says building up a social safety net of peers in whom they can confide is a critical part of ensuring young people feel supported – and enjoy their time in secondary school. This is particularly important for children making the leap from primary school to secondary, says Kekeliadis. “Therefore, it’s imperative young people are equipped with the skills and support to be able to foster healthy, positive friendships.” Principal at Impington Village College, a high-ranking state school, Victoria Hearn says: “The transition to the next stage of their education can be an exciting time for students, but for some, the change of routine, environment, and teachers, coupled with the loss of some of their established network of friends, can be daunting.” Secondary school should be an enjoyable and enriching experience for every student, says Hearn, and building a strong friendship group can play a key role in making this a reality. Key tips which parents should share with their child include… Be proactive and don’t be afraid to reach out to others “The most important thing for students starting secondary school to remember, is that everyone is in the same boat,” says Kekeliadis. “Moving from a small class of 30 to a school year of more than 100 can feel incredibly daunting – and while it takes confidence to put yourself out there and take the first step, it will help to put others at ease who will be feeling shy, too.” Be open-minded Kekeliadis says a part of what makes starting secondary school exciting is being able to take part in new activities and initiatives, such as sports clubs and other extracurriculars. “This also provides a fantastic opportunity for students to meet peers who share similar interests,” encourages Kekeliadis. “Helping them to form a bond and eventually a friendship.” As well as taking advantage of an array of extracurricular activities, Hearn says to encourage them to support local, national, and international volunteering projects. “Which enables them to meet new people and work together to support a cause greater than their own individual needs.” Set healthy boundaries “When young people enter a new social situation, they are likely to feel pressure to fit in, and while having a strong social group is important to a child’s wellbeing, it’s vital young people know how to step away from an unhealthy friendship,” advises Kekeliadis. To encourage the setting of these boundaries, she says parents should ensure their child knows that it’s okay to tell a friend ‘no’ when they are feeling uncomfortable – as well as when it’s best to speak to an adult if they feel they are being pressured. Conversation is key Parents, guardians, and teachers can all have a positive impact on a student’s ability to make friends, says Hearn, but it’s important to remember every child is different and moves at their own pace. “If your child hasn’t made hundreds of new friends within the first week of school, it doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t soon establish a strong friendship group. “At all times, but particularly around periods of change, I encourage parents and guardians to engage in frequent open conversations with their child(ren), to check in with them regularly,” advises Hearn. “And, most importantly, validate their feelings.” Listening to your child’s concerns and providing reassurance is often all students need to approach making friends with confidence, suggests Hearn. Ask for support Hearn says at the heart of every education provision should be a desire to help all children thrive… “For the last four years, we have not grouped students with their friends from previous schools when they join us in Year Seven,” notes Hearn. “Instead, we create mixed ability, balanced groups, where students are able to interact with a wide range of other pupils.” She says this has proved hugely successful in ensuring all students feel they are included – and presented with the best opportunities to make new friends. “Your child(ren)’s school should also have an established pastoral support network to help them through any challenges they are facing,” says Hearn. “Please encourage your child to reach out to their tutor when necessary,” she urges. “Or, if required, contact their school directly with any concerns.” Hearn continues: “The transition to secondary school can be daunting for students, but with the support of families and teachers, we can ensure every child gets the absolute most out of their experience – and establishes friendships that will extend far beyond the school walls.” Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live 9 ways to make dark rooms look lighter Men experience imposter syndrome too – here’s how to overcome it This is how stress affects different parts of the body

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Imposter syndrome isn’t a disease, but it can do real damage to our confidence and self-esteem if it’s goes unchecked. And while it’s often associated with women, men can experience it too – as recently highlighted. Speaking on BBC Radio 4’s Last Word recently, Mike Parkinson revealed that his father, Sir Michael Parkinson – who died aged 88 earlier this month – dealt with “imposter syndrome” and “was wracked with self-doubt”. He went on to say that the well loved late chat show host, who interviewed the likes of Victoria and David Beckham and Muhammad Ali during his career, “didn’t have as much self-confidence as he appeared to have on TV”. The director also said that despite his father’s obvious success, he was “still very class ridden” and “very insecure”. These words will no doubt strike a chord with many. Here’s a closer look and imposter syndrome and what men can do to help manage it. What is imposter syndrome? “Impostor syndrome is not a mental illness. It is rather a term applied to the internal psychological experience of feeling like a fraud in a particular area in your life, despite evidence of success or external validation,” says Dr Jon van Niekerk, group clinical director at Cygnet Health Care. It is also a myth that men do not suffer from impostor syndrome... “It might come as a surprise to some, but it is fairly common experience, with 70% of people having at least one episode at some point,” he adds. “It is also a myth that men do not suffer from impostor syndrome. In fact, research has shown that if surveys are anonymous, there are similar levels of these symptoms between men and women. The difference is that men can find it more difficult to talk about these feelings.” What signs might they experience? Dr Elena Touroni, consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, believes at its core, imposter syndrome is associated with “feelings of self-doubt sparking fears of being ‘exposed’ as a fraud, or diminishing genuine achievements and attributing them to luck rather than skill”. She adds: “On the surface, these internal battles might manifest as overworking to prove one’s worth, delaying tasks due to fear of imperfection, or an unending quest for validation.” As a result, van Niekerk says men could “compensate by overworking to achieve impossible standards they set themselves. Many people that have impostor syndrome are ‘overachievers’ and their personal and family life suffers. “Some people also self-sabotage their relationships, as they do not believe the deserve affection from others,” he adds. “If not managed well, it can ultimately lead to burnout and more severe mental health issues, like depression and anxiety.” What are the possible causes?There are various factors that play a role in imposter syndrome, especially as people may have different triggers for these feelings, and in different areas of their lives. “These feelings and beliefs can often be traced back to schemas – mental blueprints formed by our early experiences,” says Touroni. “These schemas shape our perception of ourselves, the world, and our place in it. When early experiences involve neglect, abandonment or overly critical parents/caregivers, it can lead to a lasting belief of not being ‘good enough’.” How can men overcome imposter syndrome? Reflecting on your strengths and positive past experiences is often a great place to start. “It is important to not just accept self-defeating thoughts. If you experience these thoughts, it is important to note them and remind yourself of why you are in a particular position, and what past accomplishments you have had,” says van Niekerk. “Once you open up, you will be surprised how many people struggle with similar thoughts. Usually, these settle down once you have been in a particular role for some time, but if they impact on you pursuing your goals or your relationships, it might be helpful to speak to a therapist.” Touroni adds: “Imposter feelings tend to run deep. But, with dedication and the right support, they can be challenged and changed. A therapist can help you unearth the origins of these beliefs, challenge their accuracy, and cultivate healthier, more empowering perspectives and coping mechanisms.” Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live 8 of the coolest plants for shady gardens This is how stress affects different parts of the body Curls feeling frazzled? 6 ways to repair summer hair damage

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PRINCETON, N.J.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Aug 28, 2023--