A woman who felt she was “trapped in this really dark world” due to her anxiety, causing her to have panic attacks, cancel her hen do, and feel she was “constantly on the verge of having a heart attack”, has said “therapy has allowed (her) to feel like (herself)” again and she has since gone on to marry her best friend who she met at school. Kirsty McKillop, 34, a strategist who lives in Walthamstow, London, said she had experienced anxiety “on and off” throughout her life, but it became all-consuming during the Covid pandemic – particularly after going through a redundancy process at her previous job in PR, which knocked her confidence and made her question her self-worth. She said she felt trapped in this “prison” that she had created in her mind and started “catastrophising” – she thought she would “lose everything in (her) life that she cared about”. “I felt like I was basically being crushed by the dark and being suffocated by it and I couldn’t get out,” she said. Kirsty decided to quit her job to look after her mental health, but then “everything went from bad to worse” as she started to experience debilitating physical symptoms. She would cry every day, vomit, experience heart palpitations, have panic attacks, feel agitated and extremely restless, and lie awake in bed until the morning. At her lowest point, Kirsty said she did not believe that she could get better, and she did not engage in “anything that might help her”. However, with the continued support of her now-husband, Liam, 34, family and friends, she began engaging in therapy from December 2021 – and gradually over time she could “physically feel (her anxiety) lifting”. She has since gone on to get married – something she previously did not think was possible – and go on her honeymoon to South Africa, and she now wishes to give the message that “life without anxiety is possible”. “No matter what level of anxiety you’re feeling, it isn’t something that you have to accept as part of life,” she said. “Whilst it is a natural human response, it’s not something you have to live with, and, going through therapy, it has just completely freed me from those feelings and I’m so much happier.” According to the charity Mind, anxiety is a natural human response when we feel that we are under threat; it can be experienced through our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. Kirsty had experienced anxiety at varying stages in her life, but during lockdown, when her job was at risk, her mind was “swamped” with negative and “obsessive” thoughts, with everyday places and situations becoming “bleak and scary and threatening”. While Kirsty did not lose her job, the redundancy process knocked her confidence, and her heightened emotions quickly spiralled into physical symptoms of anxiety. She felt she was in “this constant state of panic” and started “overthinking everything”. “I had really irrational thoughts that I was going to lose everything in my life that I cared about because I was not able to function day to day,” she said. “I think, eventually, it did turn into depression, and then I had quite intrusive thoughts around not wanting to wake up if I did get to sleep. “Not being able to sleep, not being able to eat, being sick, crying, feeling like I was having a heart attack, and feeling terrified of everything was really scary.” Kirsty would lie in bed and try to “disassociate” from her anxiety, but her intrusive thoughts just kept “swirling around in her head”. She then decided to quit her job in September 2021 “to give her the headspace” she felt she needed, but the lack of structure and routine in her life only made her anxiety worse. “It had taken over my head so much that I could not think rationally – everything was like, I’m worried about holding down a job, therefore, I’m not going to be able to pay the mortgage, therefore, I’m going to lose the house, therefore, I’m going to lose my husband and all my friends, and I’m going to end up with nothing,” she explained. “Despite having incredibly supportive friends who would come and just be with me for hours, I still had that fear.” Kirsty remembers a specific conversation where her parents and her then-fiance were discussing the wedding, and she thought: “This is ridiculous, there’s no way I’m going to get married in this state.” By this point, she had started losing consciousness during the day and blacking out, and she had to cancel her hen do. In November 2021, after moving back to her home town in Yorkshire, Kirsty’s family and friends encouraged her to seek professional support, as she was “stuck, trapped, in this completely different place”. Kirsty’s loved ones had looked after her throughout this period and previously suggested she seek help, but she was not willing to engage as she thought “it’s not going to make a difference”. She then started speaking to a therapist who was right for her in December 2021, and Kirsty said she was “pulled out of this horrible world”. Through having sessions once or twice a week, and with cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), Kirsty said she felt she was “becoming much more rational” as she started to “challenge” her thoughts. The CBT focused on thinking about the facts, rather than “the feelings and the catastrophising” she had been experiencing, to try to “break the cycles of negative thinking”. She said: “When that feeling starts to lift, you think, I can get better, and I want to get better. “It’s not about fighting those thoughts, but accepting them and recognising they’re not facts.” By February 2022, Kirsty started to feel like herself again – she stopped being sick, no longer had panic attacks, and was able to sleep. In April, she started a new job as a strategist, which she now loves, and in July she married Liam and had “an amazing day”. Looking back now, Kirsty said she “dreads to think where she would have been” if she did not start having therapy, and she is beyond grateful for the support she has received from her family and friends. She does not want anyone else to go through the “absolute hell” she has, and wants to encourage more open dialogue and acceptance around mental health and anxiety, as she believes it “shouldn’t define you”. “Anxiety is a natural response, but when it gets to the point where you’re having intrusive thoughts, or it’s affecting you physically, or it’s stopping you from doing things, that’s when it’s not normal and you shouldn’t accept it,” Kirsty explained. “It’s not a state of well or unwell, it’s a state of always making sure you’re looking after yourself because life is always going to throw different challenges at you.” She added: “I enjoy life so much more without letting anxious thoughts spoil my day-to-day life… and therapy has just allowed me to feel like myself and enjoy being myself.” Kirsty is one of many who have offered quotes to inform and create a striking collection of AI art to shine a light on anxiety symptoms. The artwork, from the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), has been installed outside London Waterloo – for more information, visit www.bacp.co.uk/anxietyis. Read More I was a child with mental health problems. Nothing excuses the way I was treated Mum suffered panic attacks for 30 years due to unusual phobia ‘I spent too much money on your wedding’: Musician calls out married friend for flirting with other women Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live

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A mother has been defended after she explained why she called her daughter’s father “creepy” over the name he gave to his newborn child. In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I the A**hole?” Reddit forum, the woman – who goes by the username u/Aggressive_Buy4075 – asked if she was in the wrong for criticising the name choice. She started off her post by providing context about the situation, explaining that she got pregnant with her now 10-year-old daughter after “a drunken hook-up with a friend in her mid twenties”. While noting that the pregnancy wasn’t “the most glamorous or flattering truth,” she and her friend still “decided to keep the child and co-parent”. She also acknowledged that she and her pal were “never a couple” and “didn’t want to be one either”. The woman continued her post by explaining that when her friend and his longtime girlfriend were expecting baby, she’d “been supportive to them both” as much as possible, “without crossing any lines”. She then explained how she wanted her 10-year-old to get to know her soon-to-be half-sibling. “I’ve encouraged my daughter to help out whenever she’s staying with them during the pregnancy and to behave. I’ve also made it clear that I want the children to have a close relationship, despite having different mothers,” she wrote. “I’ve even said that if they were comfortable with it, on nights I have my daughter [and] if they ever want time alone, I’ll babysit once they have the baby. So my daughter can spend time with her sibling.” She added that while she “thought everything was great” and was excited for her “daughter to have a sibling,” that ultimately changed when her friend and his partner had their baby - and she learned the newborn’s name. “They’d named [her] using my daughter’s name,” the Reddit user continued. “[My friend’s girlfriend] didn’t seem to have any issue with this when she introduced the baby bold as brass. My friend seemed uncomfortable and wouldn’t look at me directly. I asked them what they were playing at, at which point my friend’s father said he’d take my daughter down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and left with her.” The Reddit poster noted that during the conversation, her friend told her to “calm down and not overreact”, while “his girlfriend told [her] she didn’t see the issue and it was a pretty name”. She continued to explain how she still asked the couple why they chose a name that was the same as her daughter’s. “I asked them if they’d named the baby for my daughter, trying to understand the logic here, but his girlfriend said that no it was just a pretty name she liked,” she continued. “I then asked if they planned to use a nickname or a middle name when addressing her on a daily basis and her response was that she didn’t see a need for that.” She went on to detail how she criticised the couple for their baby name choice, specifying that she told them it was a “creepy” decision to use the name. “I told them they were being ridiculous and that they couldn’t do this, I then told his girlfriend that I found this frankly creepy and told my friend he was being spineless if he was happy to go along with this,” she continued. While her friend claimed to her that their daughter “could use a nickname or something,” the woman shut that idea down by asking: “Why was it more reasonable for a girl who has used that name for a decade, to [be shamed] for her name, compared to a baby who had no concept of what a name was?” She concluded her post by noting that her friend’s girlfriend call her a “b****” for talking to her like that, after “she just gave birth”. The woman added that the new mother “asked the nurses to remove [her], saying that [the Reddit poster] was being disruptive”. “Maybe my temper is running a little too hot though and I was too harsh on her when she just gave birth. It’s just so f***ing weird,” the woman continued. She later made an edit to her post, reiterating that, although it wasn’t her decision to name the newborn, her daughter’s name shouldn’t have been an option. “I know that what they want to name their child is their choice, they could have called her Dinosaur for all I care but this is one name that should be off limits or adjusted, they even have the same surname as they have the same father,” she wrote. She claimed that she questioned her friend’s girlfriend’s intentions in the situation, adding: “Something about it just felt malicious and deliberate, as if she’s trying to replace my daughter and for them both to spring it on us like that at the first meeting? No, that was weird.” The Reddit post has since amassed more than 23,800 upvotes. In the comments, readers went on to defend the woman and question the couple for using the same name as her daughter. They also described what potential issues could arise when two half-siblings have the same first and last name. “From the outside it sure reads like she wants to replace her partner’s affection for his first daughter with his new baby. Of course it’s creepy,” one wrote, while another added: “And the suggestion that the 10 year old should use a nickname? Wow. Talk about audacity.” “Imagine two girls, same name, same city, possibly close enough to attend the same high school eventually, same parent. Imagine one has a warrant, or something that comes up on a background check for employment,” a third wrote. “Or can call and access accounts that just need an ID with the name on it and don’t verify SSN or biometrics.” Other people continued to claim that the couple’s name choice was “manipulative”, while encouraging the original poster to take legal action against her daughter’s father. “Worse than creepy. Calculated and manipulative. She wants to get rid of OP and choose the nuclear option by attacking her daughter,” one user claimed. “While no name can be claimed, this is a move full of hate and spite,” another wrote. “I would tell your daughter’s father that you will be going for full custody of your daughter and taking him for child support because you can no longer trust him to do the right thing by your daughter, how can you trust that he wouldn’t allow his gf to treat your daughter poorly based on this behaviour.” The Independent has contacted u/Aggressive_Buy4075 for comment. Read More Barbie? Ken? Venezuela?: Why baby names won’t be boring for much longer Adele says she wants to have a baby with boyfriend Rich Paul ‘soon’ TikTok theory on why there are so many girls named Bella at Bama Rush goes viral Khloe Kardashian officially changes son Tatum’s last name Grandmother and grandson who had sepsis at same time ‘lucky to be alive’ Cancer-hit dad who planned own funeral outlives three-week prognosis

Beyoncé has revealed that she wore outfits created exclusively by Black designers during her Renaissance tour concert in Amsterdam on Saturday night (17 June). Since beginning her tour in May, the pop star has worn sparkling disco-themed looks onstage by designers such as Mugler, Alexander McQueen and Balmain. However, ahead of the US holiday Juneteeth (Monday 19 June), Beyoncé decided to switch things up. In an Instagram post published on Sunday night (18 June), she shared a series of photographs of herself wearing a rhinestone-covered red dress with silver cuffs, which she wore while performing one night ago. She wrote: “In honour of Juneteenth, everything I wore for RENAISSANCE WORLD TOUR tonight was created exclusively by Black designers.” It has not yet been revealed who the designers are and which looks they created for her concert. The Independent has contacted Beyoncé’s representatives for comment. This is far from the first time the “Flawless” singer has shone a spotlight on Black designers and creators through her own work. In 2019, she released Black Is King, the visual accompaniment to her album The Lion King: The Gift. The full-length film, which is streaming on Disney+, featured independent Black designers such as D.Bleu.Dazzled, Loza Maléombho, Lace by Tanaya, Levenity, and more. The 29-time Grammy winner’s wardrobe department is spearheaded by US stylist and costume designer Zerina Akers, who founded the retail platform Black Owned Everything to showcase Black fashion designers and businesses. Juneteenth is a federal holiday in the US that commemorates the emancipation of enslaved African Americans. It is sometimes dubbed “America’s second Independence Day” and takes place on the anniversary of the day Major General Gordon Granger proclaimed freedom for slaves in Texas on 19 June 1865. Beyoncé previously marked the holiday by releasing a surprise song, “Black Parade”, in 2020. The song dropped after the singer announced a project of the same name to support Black-owned businesses. Some of the “Dangerously In Love” singer’s standout outfits throughout her tour so far include a custom LOEWE catsuit that features gloved hands with sharp red nails. She is also a long-time fan of French fashion house Mugler and wore at least two looks from the label at her show in Stockholm – including a black-and-yellow outfit with an insect-like headpiece that emulated a bee. Fans believe this is a nod to the name of her fandom, the Beyhive. The Independent gave Beyoncé’s concert in Cardiff on 17 May four out of five stars and described her as “sizzling as ever”. Read More Dirty talk isn’t always mortifying, but it can – and should – be better Security snatch Beyonce’s sunglasses after singer throws them into crowd Why Spotify ‘ended its £15m deal’ with Harry and Meghan Glastonbury regular reveals best clothing to take to festivals - and what to avoid Vogue divides opinion with controversial job ad for Anna Wintour’s assistant Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple Martin revives her infamous 2002 Oscars dress

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