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Most women feel ‘invisible’ and ‘unappreciated’ when they become mothers, new research has revealed. Instead of ‘having it all’, 72% of mums feel invisible and 93% feel unappreciated, unacknowledged or unseen once they’ve had children. Another 93% said that since having a child, their identity has been reduced to only being a mother. And the weight of expectation is huge, too, with 97% of mums questioned in the survey by the online motherhood community Peanut saying pressure is put on them to ‘do it all and be it all’. Plus, 94% believe they’re expected to put themselves last and self-sacrifice for their families, partners, jobs, and other responsibilities, so they can achieve what they feel is required of them. Nearly half of mums (46%) said they don’t feel supported by the healthcare system after giving birth, and 70% expected more support from society in general. As a result of this lack of support and invisibility, most women surveyed (95%) agreed there’s an impact on their mental health and wellbeing, with 86% having experienced anxiety, 82% feeling stressed, burned out or exhausted, and 80% feeling overwhelmed, or lonely and isolated. Other strong feelings identified by mums included irritability (78%), loss of identity (65%), feeling judged (66%), feeling unsupported (64%), guilt (63%), depression (55%), resentment (54%), worthlessness (50%), and neglect (24%). Women attributed the things making them feel invisible to unfair division of labour in the home, trying to juggle a career and childcare, lack of empathy and understanding from both family and everyone else, gaps in healthcare and mental health support, identity and independence struggles, hiding the pain of pregnancy loss, and general pressure from healthcare, education institutions and the media. Commenting on the findings, psychologist Dr Rachel Goldman said: “The invisibility of motherhood is a stark reality many face. The journey begins with frequent visits to healthcare providers, but once the child arrives, there’s a sudden gap, creating a sense of abandonment. Women grapple with overwhelming feelings of exhaustion and stress, only to confront rushed appointments where healthcare professionals don’t have time to adequately dive into concerns.” As a result of the research, Peanut has launched an Invisible Mothers campaign, featuring a State of Invisibility report, to draw attention to mums’ struggles and highlight ways to make them more visible and better supported. The report found mums think more empathy and gender equality will help them feel more visible, with 82% calling for flexible, family-friendly workplaces, 77% wanting equal and extended leave for both parents, and 71% saying an equal share of parenting tasks would help. Additional measures that will help mums, says Peanut, include more public toilets having changing facilities, additional resources for mental health support, support groups for both parents, and educational initiatives about gender stereotypes. The report also identified the most common unwanted questions that contribute to mothers’ feelings of invisibility, with alternative suggestions that women say they would prefer to hear. So instead of asking ‘How’s the baby?’, Peanut suggests mums are asked ‘How are you really – mentally, emotionally and physically?’, and rather than ‘Was the pregnancy planned?’, try ‘Are you excited?’, and change ‘How do you do it all?’ to ‘How’s the mental load?’. Goldman added: “It doesn’t take grand gestures to offer support. A genuine ‘how are you’ or ‘thinking of you’ can significantly shift perceptions, signalling to someone that they matter. Small changes or actions, like compassionate conversations, can have profound impacts. “By acknowledging and addressing these issues, we can begin to truly support motherhood.” Read More The best ways to work-out in 22 minutes – as study finds this is magic number for offsetting ‘negative impact of sitting’ What crops will we be growing in the future, as climate change alters the landscape? As Rebecca Adlington shares heart-breaking miscarriage news: How to support others experiencing baby loss What you need to know about new research into treating cervical cancer How to do Halloween make up and still take care of your skin Which houseplants best suit your star sign?

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A nurse who needed the toilet 30 times a day was diagnosed with an incurable disease after doctors suspected she had an eating disorder when her weight plummeted. Katie Harpur, 25, a nurse from Belfast, dropped to just five stone while battling the painful symptoms of Crohn’s disease, which left her unable to walk, and she could not eat without throwing up. Diagnosed with Crohn’s in 2014 at the age of 16, she was told it was inevitable that she would eventually need a stoma bag. Fitted with a temporary bag in 2019, Katie had the operation to make her stoma permanent in June 2022 and says it has changed her life. She said: “I used to need to go to the toilet up to 30 times a day and I couldn’t go out and socialise for fear of there not being facilities nearby. “It was incredibly limiting, and I was in a lot of pain to the point where I didn’t even want to go anywhere. “I’d always wanted to travel but it was impossible for me to do so until I got my stoma bag fitted. “Now I’ve booked my first long-haul flight to Tokyo, something I never would have been able to do before the op.” Katie first started experiencing pain and nausea at the age of 14 but said doctors found it difficult to diagnose her. I was in a lot of pain to the point where I didn’t even want to go anywhere Katie Harpur She said: “At first, they suspected that I was bulimic because my weight dropped. “I lost a dangerous amount of weight and weighed just five stone, but I didn’t have an eating disorder, it was just too painful for me to eat and if I did eat, I would vomit. “I remember one doctor told me I was a hypochondriac, but I knew something wasn’t right.” Persevering with medical appointments, Katie said her health deteriorated until she was admitted to hospital. Unable to walk, the then 16-year-old spent two weeks in hospital where she had a colonoscopy. Katie said: “I couldn’t physically walk anywhere, I was so weak, and I ended up in hospital. “The biopsies from the colonoscopy came back and confirmed that I had Crohn’s disease.” Crohn’s disease is a lifelong condition where parts of the digestive system become inflamed. Symptoms include diarrhoea, stomach aches and cramps, blood in your poo, fatigue and weight loss. Growing up, I was so excited to travel but Crohn’s made it impossible. Katie Harpur Katie was put on medication but was told she would eventually need a stoma bag. In June 2019, Katie, then aged 21, underwent a procedure to have a temporary stoma bag fitted. She said: “Going into it, I obviously had body image concerns because I’m still quite young and people tend to have a false idea that stoma bags are dirty. “I knew I would end up with a giant scar too and that made me nervous.” Despite the stoma bag being the solution to Katie’s painful symptoms, she suffered complications which led to her having the procedure reversed. Battling infections and prolapse, her stoma was removed in January 2020. With her symptoms returning, Katie made the decision to have a permanent stoma bag fitted in June 2022. She said: “Because there were so many issues with the first one, I was really nervous, especially as this stoma couldn’t be reversed. “But my condition had gotten so bad and I was in so much pain, that this was really the only option for me at this point.” I hope people can see my experience and know that stoma bags aren’t scary Katie Harpur As Katie approaches 12 months since her stoma operation, she said the procedure has “changed her life”. With no complications or symptoms, she is now able to travel and socialise with friends. “I’ve had no issues at all with it and it’s honestly the best thing I’ve ever done,” she said. “Growing up, I was so excited to travel but Crohn’s made it impossible. I always said I wouldn’t travel far until I had my stoma fitted.” Since her operation, Katie has booked a three-week trip to Tokyo for September this year, something she says she never would have been able to do before. She said: “Not being able to speak Japanese, I would have found it very hard to find a public toilet so wouldn’t have been able to do the trip before. “But now I’m planning to go to Mount Fuji and Super Nintendo World, which I’m really excited for.” Now she is raising awareness for Crohn’s disease on World IBD Day and hopes to break the stigma around stoma bags. “A lot of people think having a stoma bag is the end of the world,” she said. Now I’ve booked my first long-haul flight to Tokyo, something I never would have been able to do before the op. Katie Harpur “I was so young getting mine done and I was nervous about how my body would change but it’s the best thing I’ve ever done, I wish I’d done it sooner. “I hope people can see my experience and know that stoma bags aren’t scary, mine has greatly improved my life and enabled me to start enjoying life again.” Sarah Sleet, chief executive of Crohn’s & Colitis UK, said: “There are more than 500,000 people living with Crohn’s and colitis in the UK. Every day we hear about more who are experiencing symptoms and waiting for a diagnosis. “Since the pandemic, the already lengthy waiting times for tests like endoscopies and colonoscopies have soared. “Such delays can be devastating for people, affecting their ability to work, study, socialise and live the lives they want to. “We really need to do more to help young people stay in control of their health, and that means providing them with the tools to get the right diagnosis from their GP as early as possible. My stoma bag has greatly improved my life and enabled me to start enjoying life again Katie Harpur “If you’re experiencing blood in your poo, tummy pain or frequent, urgent diarrhoea, then the symptom checker on our website is a good place to start. “It’s designed to give people the confidence to go to their GP with a letter detailing their symptoms, to help them get the right diagnosis and get back on the road to recovery.” For more information, visit: www.crohnsandcolitis.org.uk. Read More How to check if you have skin cancer: Symptoms and signs to look out for Janey Godley shares heartbreaking cancer update New obesity jab that sparked diabetes row in US could get NHS green light Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live

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A crowd-pleasing dish to serve up for a family meal or dinner party, Imad Alarnab’s Kataf Ghanam recipe hails from Syria. Kataf Ghanam (lamb shoulder) Serves: 4-6 Ingredients: For the marinade: 5 garlic cloves, grated 2 tbsp smoked paprika 1 tbsp mild Madras curry powder ½ tbsp ground black pepper 3cm piece of fresh ginger, grated 1 tbsp baharat (a spice mix blend) Juice of 1 lemon 1 tbsp tomato purée 2 tbsp red pepper paste Good pinch of salt 150ml olive oil For the lamb: 1.5-2kg lamb shoulder, bone in 10 garlic cloves, peeled 4 sprigs of thyme 4 sprigs of rosemary Method: 1. Mix together all the marinade ingredients in a large container. Rub the marinade all over the lamb so it’s completely covered. Cover and marinate in the fridge for a minimum of 4 hours, ideally overnight. 2. When you’re ready to cook, preheat the oven to 160C/fan 140C/ gas 3. 3. Take the lamb from the fridge, then get a high-sided oven tray and line with a layer of foil and a layer of baking paper, large enough to cover the lamb. Add the garlic and herb sprigs to the middle, followed by the lamb and all the marinade (you can also add onions, carrots or potatoes at this stage, if you like). Fold the foil and baking paper over the lamb like a parcel, then flip it over and wrap it again in another layer of foil so the lamb is tightly wrapped and there are no gaps. We want to cook the lamb in its own juices, so it’s really important that it’s completely covered at this stage. 4. Place in the oven and cook for 4 hours or until the meat is falling off the bone. Remove from the oven, unwrap, increase the temperature to 200C/fan 180C/gas 6 and roast until browned on top. Serve with kabsa rice or plain bulgur. ‘Imad’s Syrian Kitchen’ by Imad Alarnab (HQ, £26) Read More The National Portrait Gallery’s new restaurant is fabulous upgrade The dish that defines me: Alex Outhwaite’s Vietnamese bun cha 3 TikTok-approved recipes for picnic season Imad Alarnab: In Calais’ Jungle refugee camp, food restored our faith It’s easier to make baklava at home than you might think Get set for Wimbledon with top pastry chef’s strawberry recipes

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