Coming out can be hard at any age, but by the time you’re well into adulthood it may feel terrifying, and be completely life-changing. Many people who come out in their thirties and onwards may have wanted to for a long time but not felt safe enough to do so. As October 11 marks National Coming Out Day, it’s important to reflect on how, if and when people can share their authentic selves. “I wasn’t raised in a time when it felt safe to express attraction to women,” says author and creative mentor Fiona Fletcher Reid, who came out last year at the age of 35. “I wasn’t sure about my sexuality until I had psychosexual therapy and was able to explore all the layers of internalised homophobia and repression that I had accumulated over my 35 years,” she says. So, how you can support someone who is going through it? Don’t assume everyone is the same Not every person’s coming out looks the same, and some LGBTQ+ experiences are not universal. “Coming out is a personal experience and because it is often physically and emotionally dangerous to be openly queer, lots of people never feel able to be open,” says Fletcher Reid, now 36. “Some people might feel free to come out once they have ended a particular relationship, or after meeting people who they feel safe around. “For others, like me, it’s that we don’t consciously acknowledge our sexuality until we are a lot older and have the confidence to work through the emotional implications and real-life consequences that come with that,” The writer, from Glasgow, was going through a divorce at the time with a man she’d been with since the age of 17. “During therapy, I talked a lot about the pain I was experiencing during intercourse as well as my general anxiety around sex. It wasn’t until I’d built up a trusting relationship with my therapist that I felt able to discuss the fact that I thought I might be gay and I did not expect that to come up, so I was just as surprised as everyone else when I came out.” Don’t question their authenticity Validate what the person who has come out is saying. “Don’t say, ‘Are you sure?’ because you can rest assured that the person coming out to you has thought long and hard about this,” says Fletcher Reid. “Casting self-doubt on someone when they have opened up a vulnerable part of themselves to you is hurtful.” Don’t question them about their sex life It’s no one else’s business. “Please don’t ask about whether they have been intimate with anyone, or any other sort of suggestion that they need to ‘prove’ their sexuality to you,” she stresses. Consider what they feel and accept that it is a big deal They are probably feeling “a mix of emotions, including excited, happy, empowered and scared for their safety”, says Fletcher Reid. “Sadly coming out can still cause huge ruptures in relationships so be aware that this is a huge moment for them and comes with real consequences. “Dismissing their experience as ‘not a big deal’ because you think it’s ‘normal to be gay’ now is a dangerous and false narrative.” It may sound simple, but just listening and supporting them is vital. “Be there to listen and try to celebrate all the new things that they are exploring as they come out, whether that’s dating, meeting new people or finding ways to experiment with their identity through fashion,” says Fletcher Reid. “Repeat often that you love and care for them and that you accept this evolution of them, that you are happy to see them happy.” Suggest they find community “Encourage them to talk to other people who have been through similar experiences if you can,” she says. “As much as friends and family want to understand what they are going through, it is far more validating to talk to someone else who has come out later in life and understands the emotional intricacies of the experience. “They can also hopefully show them that there are good times ahead.” Thank them for sharing with you “It is a privilege that someone trusts you with coming out, especially later in life. Tell them that you are honoured to have been trusted with this information, and reassure them that you will keep it private until they are ready to tell other people,” Fletcher Reid suggests. “The best reactions that I had from people were seeing their joy that I had discovered this important part of myself, and that had a huge impact on my ability to feel hopeful amidst the pain caused by my divorce. “Allowing them to feel conflicted and guilty and offering reassurance that they have the right to be themselves will make them feel so much happier.” Read More Israel-Hamas conflict: How to talk to teenagers about distressing news stories Autumn décor ideas for a seasonal refresh Why you shouldn’t tidy your garden too much in autumn World Mental Health Day: 5 ways to beat anxiety and change your life Alternative veg to grow for next season How to spot if your child is struggling with their mental health – and what to do next

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Lewis Hamilton fears he will start Sunday’s Spanish Grand Prix outside of the top 10 following a disheartening day in practice for the British driver and his Mercedes team. As Max Verstappen predictably set the pace for Red Bull with a practice double at Barcelona’s Circuit de Catalunya, Hamilton finished only 11th, more than six tenths of a second back. Home favourite Fernando Alonso raised hope that he could challenge Verstappen and his all-conquering Red Bull team after he finished second for Aston Martin, just 0.170 seconds back. George Russell was eighth in the other Mercedes. Before stepping into his cockpit this weekend, Hamilton admitted that his team’s much-anticipated upgrade, which made its debut in Monaco a week ago, had not provided the magic fix he was hoping for. And on his new machine’s second outing at a track where the Silver Arrows said they would obtain a greater understanding of their upgrades, the evidence suggests they are no closer to taking on the mighty Red Bull, or leapfrogging rivals Aston Martin and Ferrari. Indeed, Mercedes might have fallen further down the pecking order, with Haas’ Nico Hulkenberg, Alpine’s Esteban Ocon and Pierre Gasly, and the Alfa Romeo of Valtteri Bottas all above the seven-time world champion in the order. Asked about his prospects for qualifying on Saturday, Hamilton said: “From the pace that I had today it will be a struggle to get into the top 10. It is not going to be easy, that is for sure. “We are fighting as hard as we can. It was a difficult day getting on top of the tyres. The car feels… like the car. Hopefully we can make some changes overnight. “It is impressive to see the improvements that everyone has made around us – if you look at the Alpines, and you can also see the Aston Martin is right behind the Red Bull which is impressive.” Hamilton said after May’s Miami Grand Prix that he was “counting down the days” for the upgrade he hoped would propel him back to the front. But there appears no end in sight to his 30-race losing streak. Verstappen, 39 points clear in his pursuit for a third successive title, has been in a class of one for the past 18 months and his dominance continued on Friday. A day after he made the ominous prediction that Red Bull could win all 16 remaining races this year, Verstappen finished seven tenths faster than anyone else in the opening running before returning to the top of the timesheets for the day’s final action. Alonso however, lingers with intent. His home race this weekend marks the 10th anniversary of his 32nd and last win in the sport. However, the Spaniard, 41, is enjoying a career resurgence following his transfer from Alpine to Aston Martin, finishing on the podium at five of the first six races. “Every time I have come to Barcelona I have been told it has been five years since I last won, and then seven years, and now it is 10,” said Alonso. “But it doesn’t feel that long to me. Last year we saw how much Mercedes improved during the season, and they won in Brazil with George. There will be an opportunity around the corner and we have to be there to take it.” Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live Max Verstappen sets the pace again but little to cheer for Lewis Hamilton Lewis Hamilton toils in 12th as Max Verstappen and Red Bull dominate in Spain Fernando Alonso: Hamilton can win eighth title but Verstappen can break records

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