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Seven years ago, I was at my local antenatal class preparing for the birth of my firstborn. In my forties and armed with a coloured birthing ball, I looked around and gasped. All the other soon-to-be-mums were at least a decade younger than me. Some were nearly half my age. It briefly panicked me. Would I make any friends? Why did I leave it so late to have kids? Was I doing something wrong? In hindsight, though, I had no reason to worry: your forties is absolutely the best decade in which to have your first child. According to data published last week in The Daily Telegraph, the number of women becoming first-time mothers in their forties has increased in recent years: today, one in 25 UK births is to a woman aged 40-plus. That’s a lot of women just like me, despite the fact that getting pregnant over 35 gets you labelled as someone of “advanced maternal age”. That might sound harsh until you remember that older pregnancies used to be termed “geriatric” – thank God that’s been phased out. I’ve never regretted waiting until my forties, even if I had been trying for children for years by that point. My story is undeniably unique: my partner Alex took his own life while we were doing IVF, but that didn’t stop me from continuing to try to get pregnant. The maternal call was strong, so I decided to carry on with the process using Alex’s frozen sperm. Today I have two beautiful daughters with him: Lola, seven, and Liberty, five. It is an understatement to say I was ready for a baby at 40. I was grounded. Confident. Unlike when I was in my twenties or thirties, I knew exactly who I was and what made me tick. I had life experience. I no longer got FOMO. I didn’t even drink, having been through hell and back to become sober 20 years earlier. My career was fully off the ground, and therapy had helped me identify the family dysfunction I knew to ditch for the sake of my kids. I also wasn’t worried about my body bouncing back after the birth. I just desperately wanted to be a mum. Of course, there are all sorts of advantages to having children in your twenties and thirties. A huge bonus is that you’re simply more fertile. According to research, 31 is the magic age to have a baby – you’re still as fertile as in your twenties, but you also have more money. I’m sure motherhood in your fifties is great, too – although using your own eggs is highly unlikely, unless you froze them at some point before you turned 35. It means that some older mums often turn to donor eggs. Thinking back on my twenties and thirties, I don’t know how I would have managed motherhood. I don’t think I was ready to put my own needs on hold. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been to juggle work and my children, especially with the spiralling costs of childcare. I do accept that there are greater risks inherent in waiting to have kids. Both the quantity and quality of eggs dwindle. The rates of failed fertilisation, miscarriage and birth defects rise with age. There’s also the social pressure that comes with not having children early – you’re forced into endless conversations about the “ticking timebomb” of your fertility, and expected to fend off probing inquiries about your biological clock. The British Fertility Society advises women to start trying for a baby by the age of 32 at the latest, for a 90 per cent guarantee of having a child without resorting to IVF. But this advice simply wouldn’t have worked for me – I was determined to find the right person to have children with, and that didn’t happen until I was 35. When mine and Alex’s attempts to naturally conceive failed, and then Alex died, only at that point did I know I had the maturity to go it alone. I do have some regrets – I wish I’d frozen my eggs at the peak of my fertility in my mid-twenties, for instance (this process costs between £4,000 and £7,000 in the UK). But otherwise, having children in my forties was the right thing to do. Yes, I had my wobbles. I remember sobbing on the bathroom floor after yet another failed pregnancy test. I would berate myself for leaving it so late. I had to force myself to remember that many women experience fertility struggles in their twenties and thirties, too. All of those anxious feelings, though, flew out the window once I had my first child. When I left the hospital to begin parenthood alone, a new bag of nappies in hand, I didn’t have a meltdown. I was just so grateful that I’d had a baby, especially when the odds seemed so stacked against me. Sleepless nights trying to coax my child back to sleep were what I had most desired. It was all so good, in fact, that I went on to have a second child in my forties. I had a spare embryo in a freezer in St Petersburg. Now I call her Liberty. Every day since becoming a mum, I have embraced the mess and chaos, and appreciate every minute. I’m sure my younger self would cringe at the thought of me spending my evenings helping my children with their homework. But I’m proud to say that I’m living my best life. Read More Vanessa Hudgens addresses pregnancy speculation amid Cole Tucker engagement Rachel Bilson reveals she’s suffered multiple miscarriages Pregnant woman has maternity photo shoot in hospital before giving birth Hailey Bieber responds to ‘disheartening’ pregnancy rumours Like Rebecca Adlington, I also lost my baby at 20 weeks Britney Spears reveals she had an abortion while dating Justin Timberlake

Selena Gomez has launched her inaugural Rare Impact Fund Benefit auction, and many A-list celebrities donated big-ticket events and items to raise funds for mental health awareness. On 4 October, the Rare Beauty founder celebrated the first annual Rare Impact Fund Benefit: A Night of Radiance and Reflection in Los Angeles. The event supported Gomez’s non-profit organisation, the Rare Impact Fund, which works to reduce the stigma surrounding mental health and expand access to mental health services and education for young people. Not only did the sold-out event help raise money towards the Rare Impact Fund’s mission of mental health awareness, but it was also attended and supported by a number of star-studded celebrities. Martin Short, Gomez’s Only Murders in the Building co-star, served as emcee and auctioneer for the evening. Of course, the legendary comedian didn’t stray from making the occasional joke or two. “I am proud to call Selena Gomez my friend, and not because she’s successful or rich; because she’s both,” said Short, per the Hollywood Reporter. “What makes tonight very important is we’re here to support youth mental health awareness. I don’t think there’s anyone in this room that hasn’t been touched by mental health and its issues and the pain it can bring a family. We are here to raise urgent funds for the young people who need them.” The benefit also featured a special performance by Grammy-winning singer HER and a DJ set from music producer and Gomez’s “Wolves” collaborator, Marshmello. However, it was the number of big-ticket items and experiences donated by celebrities that were the main event. Perhaps the most notable donation came from Gomez’s longtime friend Taylor Swift, who donated VIP tickets to her Eras Tour concert, listed on the Rare Impact Fund Benefit’s auction site for the starting price of $5,000. The item is no longer available, according to the Hollywood Reporter, because it’s already sold for a staggering $15,000. Gomez’s fellow Only Murders in the Building co-star, Paul Rudd, also donated quite the fan experience - a movie night with none other than Rudd himself for $5,000. Other sold auction items included a glam session with Gomez’s stylists and lunch with Camila Cabello. Pro soccer star Lionel Messi donated a signed jersey, which may explain Gomez’s meme-worthy attendance at his Inter Miami game in Los Angeles earlier this month. The Argentine player’s jersey is still available to bid for $6,000. Other items that have not yet been sold include VIP tickets to Luke Combs’ “Growin’ Up and Gettin’ Old” tour in Los Angeles, a signed banjo from Steve Martin, a luxury five-night Airbnb getaway to Mexico, and a four-night stay at the Four Seasons Resort in Maui. Gomez took the stage at the Rare Impact Fund Benefit on Wednesday, where she spoke about her own struggles with mental health. “This has been the culmination of a lifelong dream for me, but it has also stemmed from some of the darkest moments in my life,” the former Disney Channel star told attendees. “I struggled with the world inside my head for a long time and I felt lost and I felt hopeless at times. In 2020, I received my diagnosis of bipolar disorder and, to be honest, everything quickly changed,” she continued. “I actually got the knowledge and the answers I had been desperate for for so long, and understanding that obviously makes me become more aware of it, and I’m less afraid than I used to be. “With that knowledge, I could seek out the support I needed to be myself, to find my joy again, and tonight I’m very proud to say that I have. I’m working really hard every day and I’m so happy just to be alive and be here with you guys today.” The Rare Impact Fund, which Gomez founded in 2020, has a goal of raising $100m in the next 10 years to expand access to mental health services and education for young people around the world. While the “Lose You to Love Me” singer acknowledged that her mission “probably sounds really absurd,” she noted that it’s people like her little sister, Gracie, and “the world that she and her generation inherits” that inspires her to make the world “a kinder one, a clearer one, a more connected one, with support and access”. “It has been my ultimate dream to launch this fund and it’s probably the most important thing that I’ve ever done, and I just couldn’t be more proud of the Rare Impact team for the work that they’re doing,” Gomez added, before thanking the crowd for “everything you’re going to do tonight; it’s the hardest journey I’ve ever been on but by far the most rewarding”. Gomez first revealed she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder - a mental health condition that causes episodes of mood swings - in 2020, when she appeared on Miley Cyrus’s Instagram Live series titled “Bright Minded”. During a wide-ranging interview with Rolling Stone published in November 2022, Gomez shared that she checked into a mental health facility in 2018 after experiencing her first bipolar episode. She opened up about the “dark” period in her “early twenties” when she “started to feel like I was not in control of what I was feeling, whether that was really great or really bad”. In her Apple TV+ documentary, My Mind & Me, Gomez described the fear she felt after receiving her bipolar disorder diagnosis. “When I first got out, I didn’t know how I’d cope with my diagnosis,” she recalled in the documentary, which was released last November. “What if it happened again? What if the next time, I didn’t come back? “I needed to keep learning about it,” she said of the condition. “I needed to take it day by day.” Gomez has also been open about her battle with the autoimmune condition lupus, which she was diagnosed with in 2014 and underwent a kidney transplant for in 2017. Read More Selena Gomez opens up about her mental health struggles: ‘Maybe it would be damaging to tell people who I am’ Selena Gomez opens up about bipolar diagnosis: ‘I’ve been to four treatment centers’ Selena Gomez reveals she may never carry children due to bipolar medication How to dress like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce for Halloween 2023 NFL defends spotlighting Taylor Swift during Travis Kelce’s games Travis Kelce says the NFL is ‘overdoing it’ with their Taylor Swift coverage

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