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Freshly cut roses. Sumptuous Marie Antoinette-style birthday cakes. Vintage Liberty dresses in Strawberry Thief fabric. Shetland ponies. These are some of the ingredients of my Instagram posts featuring my kids. I wouldn’t call myself a “sharent” by any means – someone who overshares their children’s intimate lives on social media in one long, parental “humblebrag”. But whenever I do post, it is picture-perfect. My kids look like they’ve walked straight out of a fairytale. But is it naff? Like tablescaping your kids? A form of digital narcissism? Is it, in its own unique way, a parental kind of “thirst trap”? To an extent, I’m luring others into a fantasy that doesn’t exist. I like to project a wonderfully idyllic life as a single mum... when quite frankly, it isn’t. It’s like when people try to woo their ex-partners back by posting shots of themselves half-naked and having the best time of their lives, despite crying into their pillow heartbroken all day and night. Some mums are professionals at posting perfect dreamy shots of their kids. Look no further than Carrie Johnson, Tamara Ecclestone, Stacey Solomon, and Kate and Rio Ferdinand. For celebrities and influencers, a picture-perfect ideal is the norm on social media – there are lots of cream interiors and matching Christmas jumpers. They might be promoting a homeware brand, or tagging a pram they got for free. Even when it’s tastefully done, like the former PM’s wife’s Instagram, it always gives the impression that motherhood is wondrous. That life is one big, happy Timotei advert. Even when celebrities try to be more candid, it doesn’t work. Mum-of-two Millie Mackintosh, formerly of Made in Chelsea, recently posted a “toddler tornado dump” on her Instagram. “I feel like it’s so easy to always share the nice, polished, life,” she wrote. “Well, today, I’m here to break that pattern.” The glimpse “into the delightful chaos” of Mackintosh’s maternal life included photos of a toothbrush and toothpaste on a bathroom basin, a bedroom littered with hair bows, and a make-up drawer with a few brown concealer stains on it. Really? Is that as bad as motherhood gets? For me, it’s simply more interesting to post magical rather than mundane shots. But why on earth do I want to present my kids as if they’re living in one long, tasteful pastel-coloured dream, where everything looks enchanting? No messy hair. No sleep deprivation. No kids bored out of their minds. I don’t require a filter, either – I’m already looking at life through rose-tinted spectacles, and expecting everyone else to do the same. But am I totally deluded? And, more than anything, could it be damaging to my children? Dr Charlotte Armitage, who is currently the duty-of-care psychologist on ITV’s Big Brother, has big concerns. “First of all, it’s impacting the relationship between the parent and a child because the relationship is contingent on the creation of these images and the number of likes that follow,” she says, adding that when you are “truly happy” with your situation, “you don’t tend to post perfect images”. It’s more important to ask ourselves the question of why we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world. Is it because, in reality, we are discontented with our lives? Dr Charlotte Armitage, psychologist As parents, she continues, we are modelling behaviours to our children. “They learn by imitation – if mum is taking photos and seeking validation from likes, the child starts to become validated by these likes themselves and will develop an external focus of control; they will learn that validation comes from what others think of them. This is unhealthy because, throughout life, a child’s self-esteem and self-worth become based on what others think about them rather than how they feel about themselves.” The key, she says, is realising we shouldn’t use social media to fulfil our self-worth. “It’s more important to ask ourselves the question of why we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world,” she says. “Is it because, in reality, we are discontented with our lives?” According to research, the average child today has had their image put on social media 1,300 times before the age of 13 – I can see this trajectory for my kids unless I put on the brakes. There are already widespread concerns over the data. In France, an anti-sharing bill continues to be discussed in the country’s senate, and parents could potentially be banned from sharing photos of their children on social media. It could also become mandatory for influencers to admit if a photo or video they posted was retouched or filtered. There is controversy over whether pictures of kids should even be posted online at all, as many are too young to even give permission. How will they feel about the spread of their image in the future? What happens if their identity is stolen – or worse, used by paedophiles? Does it promote a distorted reality of motherhood, compared with which other “normal” mums feel inadequate? And can it backfire on the parents when children’s rights in the digital era are not honoured? “Children tend to be frustrated or critical of the way their parents share images of them,” says Professor Sonia Livingstone, from the department of media and communications at the London School of Economics and Political Science. “Not because they are made to seem ‘perfect’ but because they can be embarrassed, even shamed, in the eyes of their peers. Meanwhile, parents feel hugely under pressure in many ways, both to be perfect parents and also because such images leave parents competing with each other and isolated in their own seemingly inadequate lives.” Dr Cosmo Duff Gordon is the founder of leading addictions clinic Start2Stop, and a psychologist in private practice at Chelsea Recovery Associates. He says that in his 20-year career as a psychologist, he’s “never had a parent sit in front of him and say ‘I’m addicted to Instagram,’” but that’s not because social media addiction doesn’t exist. He puts it largely down to “denial” – “not least since the use of social media can involve so many of the processes that usually characterise classic alcohol or drug addiction”. Denial being the number one culprit. “Obvious ones might be obsession, compulsion, capture of attentional focus and loss of control,” he says. “More subtly, social media use can involve the same sort of self-medication, or escape from reality, that addiction offers – and being a parent is hard. That’s why drifting into a fantasy land can be a relief from the daily grind of motherhood.” Parenting expert Hannah Keeley – aka “America’s #1 Mom Coach” – is more upbeat about mums posting potentially inauthentic photos of their kids. “The hardest truth to accept is that there are some mums who are actually professionalising motherhood to this level,” she says. “Not that they have achieved perfection, but they take pride in their performance as mums and use social media as a way to confirm that to themselves and boost their confidence to encourage their efforts. Should these mums also be obligated to ensure that all mums feel good about themselves, whether or not they have invested in their career to this level? Mums don’t have to be responsible for other mums’ perceptions.” After great debate and reflection, I’ve decided I’m happy with my Insta posts. They might be driven by my background, where my sister and I ran around in white nightdresses as if we had starring roles in Picnic at Hanging Rock. Or because I was conditioned to believe that how we look – even how thin we were – equalled self-worth. I’m not setting myself up to be a supermum. I don’t look at how many likes I get. It’s true that us mums also need to share our parenting experiences honestly, to let other mums know they are not alone. But for now, I’m not doing a U-turn – I’m just living the fairytale dream. Read More My daughter’s horsey hobby makes her happy, but our home now hums If poachers make the best gamekeepers, do siblings make the best babysitters? Mother’s song about how easy it is to be ‘such a good dad’ goes viral Will an adaptogen a day keep the doctor away this winter? Naomi Watts admits mid-thirties menopause felt like ‘the end of my worth’ Smoking causes 150 cancer cases every single day in UK, study finds

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Ferrari’s Charles Leclerc took pole position for the United States Grand Prix after Max Verstappen’s lap was deleted for exceeding track limits. Verstappen looked to have qualified first in his Red Bull at a sizzling Circuit of the Americas in Austin, Texas, only to see his lap – five thousandths of a second quicker than Leclerc – chalked off by the stewards. Verstappen dropped from first to sixth with Lando Norris taking second for McLaren ahead of Mercedes’ Lewis Hamilton. Leclerc’s team-mate Carlos Sainz finished fourth with George Russell fifth for Mercedes. Verstappen, who wrapped up his third world title in Qatar a fortnight ago, is bidding to join Hamilton, Michael Schumacher, Alain Prost and Sebastian Vettel by reaching 50 victories. But the Dutchman’s quest will start from back down the grid after he put all four wheels off the track at Turn 18 following a rare mistake. Verstappen headed into the final runs a quarter of a second down after he took aim at his team for putting him on track too close to Sergio Perez in the other Red Bull. “Well f****** done there,” he yelled over the radio. “What the f*** was that in the last corner?!” His subsequent error then allowed Leclerc to take the 21st pole of his career, 0.130 sec ahead of Norris, who finished nine thousandths clear of Hamilton. “It wasn’t easy for everybody so I am really happy to start on pole for Sunday,” said Leclerc. “It is a surprise for us because we didn’t expect to be fighting for pole. “Going into Turn 1 it is tricky here, but it is always better to start at the front than the back.” Hamilton, who has only finished off the podium once in Austin, said: “I love being in the States. The circuit is incredible and is one of my favourites, right up there with Silverstone. it is a legendary layout and incredibly challenging.” Hamilton, in his upgraded Mercedes, was fastest in the opening sector, but was unable to better Leclerc’s time. He added: “We have taken a step closer to the front which I know everyone is working so hard for. They are still a little bit ahead but we will give it another shot tomorrow. With this crowd, anything is possible.” Daniel Ricciardo is back in the saddle after missing five races with a broken hand sustained in practice for the Dutch Grand Prix on August 25. The 34-year-old Australian progressed to Q2 before lining up in 15th, one second off the pace and four places behind Yuki Tsunoda in the other AlphaTauri. Aston Martin have brought a number of upgrades across the pond, but both their drivers were sent for an early bath. Fernando Alonso managed only 17th with team-mate Lance Stroll – on a torrid run of form – two places further back. Meanwhile, American rookie Logan Sargeant, whose seat with Williams has not been confirmed for next season, will line up from last position at his home race. A sprint race will follow on Saturday before Sunday’s 56-lap grand prix. Read More Daniel Ricciardo ready for AlphaTauri return at United States Grand Prix On this day in 2009: Jenson Button crowned Formula One world champion in Brazil FIA to review Qatar GP as ‘dangerous’ temperatures prompt driver complaints Lewis Hamilton and George Russell vent anger on radio after collision in Qatar Lewis Hamilton crashes out after first-corner collision with George Russell In his own words: Christian Horner on world champion Max Verstappen

Nothing says summer like a juicy, flavour-packed burger straight off the grill, but what if you’re short on time? According to Sorted Food’s Kush Bhasin, all you need is five minutes. In the Sub-10 Minute Burger Challenge on their YouTube channel, Bhasin topped the leaderboard with an impressive 1 minute 58 seconds cooking time. Luckily for us, he later refined the recipe so we can achieve the same greatness in just five minutes. Five-minute burger Makes: 1 Takes: 5 mins Ingredients: 250g beef mince 50g gherkins, sliced ½ gem lettuce 1 tbsp American mustard 2 tbsp mayonnaise 1 tbsp ketchup 1 burger bun, sliced 4 American-style cheese slices Method: Preheat the grill/broiler to high. Place a large frying pan over a high heat. Form the beef mince into 2 very thin burger-shaped patties, and then place them into the large frying pan, smashing them down as you go. Cook for 45 seconds and then flip the patties – repeat on the 2nd side until well browned all over. Finely chop the gherkins and shred the lettuce. Place the mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, gherkins, and lettuce into a medium mixing bowl and mix until well combined. Toast the burger buns under the grill for 1 minute until golden brown. Once the burger patties are coloured on both sides, season lightly with salt and pepper. Add 2 slices of cheese to each. Add 1 tbsp of water to the pan and cover with a lid to steam and melt the cheese for 20 seconds. Layer the burger sauce and burger patties onto the burger bun base and top with the bun lid. Serve. Read More These are the viral TikTok recipes you have to make this Father’s Day Eddie Huang: ‘I’ll never eat at BAO London – I know mine’s better’ BBQ salad recipes without a soggy lettuce leaf in sight Grace Dent’s quick and easy recipes that only require the microwave How to shop for and cook Japanese food at home like a pro Crystelle Pereira: ‘This is controversial but... French food isn’t that great’

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